That pretty much sums up my riding lately. It's not that I don't enjoy the rides I've been on, it's just that I'm really having trouble getting motivated or excited to ride like I used to. And it's not just riding. I'm finding it hard to be motivated to do much of anything productive. Maybe its the season? Maybe its just life? Who knows...
This past weekend I had a free pass from the wife to ride if and when I wanted. I had a few chores/responsibilities that I had to get done, but other than that, there wasn't anything on the calendar that absolutely had to be done. In the past this would have led to not only riding, but possibly trying to fit a ride in on both Saturday and Sunday.
This weekend though, I struggled mightily to find the motivation to get out on the bike. My fitness is at an all time low and my weight, although not at an all time high, is definitely at a seasonal high....I really NEED to ride. Both for my physical well being as well as for my emotional balance.
I knew this and yet wasted the day Saturday puttering around, not doing much and accomplishing even less. And to be honest, when the sun went down on Saturday in addition to the feeling of discontent that comes from being so out of shape and lazy, there was the added guilt of an opportunity missed....Sunday I HAD to ride. Even if I didn't feel like it.
After church on Sunday, the feeling of general apathy towards riding continued. I wanted to lay on the couch and watch the football game, to do nothing productive, to generally just be a slug. But I knew that was a self fulfilling cycle. I knew that to give in to the overwhelming desire to do nothing would lead to more days of doing nothing. That it would lead to guilt at having done nothing and that it would lead, as it always does to a general dissatisfaction in other areas of my life.
Knowing this, and not wanting to head down that road, as soon as I got home from church I put on my riding clothes, got on the bike and headed out before my laziness over-ruled the one remaining thread of motivation inside me.
The amazing part about riding is that often times I don't really want to ride, but there has never been a time when I wasn't really glad I had ridden.
As I headed out of my neighborhood and down the road, I could feel the apathy and the laziness being replaced by something else....something that resembled motivation and enjoyment....joy at being out on my bike on a sunny day, joy at feeling the muscles in my legs working hard, joy at leaving the weight of doing nothing behind as I moved towards something else....something healthy, something positive. I began to look at the abnormally low speeds on my GPS as less of a conviction of my choices and more as motivation.
As the day continued so did the joy. I found myself smiling and although I continued to be pushed by the numbers on my GPS, I found myself stopping to watch a family of ducks in the creek, or to watch a group of deer in a field by the road, or just to stand for a moment in the sun amazed at how blessed I was to be out on my bike on such a beautiful day.
As the route turned finally onto my street and I neared the house, I knew without a doubt that I had made the right choice. My body, although tired was renewed and my mind was once again clear and free of all the junk that had piled up and weighed it down making it heavy and unmotivated....